Sunday Service: When There’s No Mentor, Only Mirrors

They say “Find a mentor.”
Like it’s a line in a playbook.
Like someone’s just waiting in the wings, ready to take your hand and show you how to climb.

But what if no one ever shows up?

🪞 Mirror Over Mentor

I spent years scanning rooms for someone who looked like me, thought like me, moved like me—
and could teach me what to do when I got stuck.

But instead of a mentor, I got a mirror.
One that reflected back the reality:
You might be the first version of success that looks like you.

There’s no shortcut when you don’t fit the mold.
No ladder when the rungs weren’t built for you.
No map when the territory hasn’t been charted in your voice.

So you make your own.
You test. You observe. You adapt.
You lead from instinct—because there’s no precedent.

🌬 The Quiet Cost of “Figuring It Out Alone”

When you don’t have a mentor:

• You don’t learn the unspoken rules—you crash into them.

• You don’t get real-time feedback—you get passive-aggressive silence.

• You don’t get language for your ambition—you learn to shrink it so it doesn’t make anyone uncomfortable.

You internalize the wrong lessons and unlearn them the hard way.
You carry both your job and the emotional labor of proving you belong in it.

And still—you show up.
Still—you build something no one else gave you a blueprint for.

🧠 What I’ve Learned in the Absence of Guidance

1. You can lead without being led first.
   Some of us aren’t mentored into leadership—we bleed our way into it.

2. Mentorship is powerful, but it’s not required.
   You may not have someone ahead of you—but you can still be someone for the next.

3. Your gut matters.
   Don’t confuse silence from others with wrong instincts. Lack of feedback isn’t always about you—it’s often about their discomfort with your confidence.

4. Build your own circle—even if it’s one person at a time.
   Your support system doesn’t have to come from the org chart.

💡 Final Word

If you’ve been navigating your career without a mentor—
If you’ve felt the weight of leadership without a guide—
If you’ve learned everything the hard way and still kept going—
This is for you.

You don’t need to apologize for not being sponsored, groomed, or shown the way.
You didn’t miss the playbook.
You’re writing it.

But I also need to say this:
Yes, I’ve gone without a mentor. But I haven’t gone without support.
There are people who believed in me when I wasn’t sure how to believe in myself.
And sometimes? That belief is what kept me going.
It’s the fuel that pushes you to show up sharper, speak a little louder, take up more space.

And I’m grateful to work at a company that provides access to Chief, a community built to support women in leadership.
But I’ll be honest—even that took advocacy.
It wasn’t handed to me. I had to ask for it.
Push for it.
Prove I was “ready” for the thing I had already been doing without a title.

So if you’re building your career solo, self-taught, self-driven—
You’re not behind.
You’re not missing anything.
You’re not less prepared than the ones with mentors—you’re just proving it a different way.

You’re not the exception. You’re the example.